How Much to Give as a Wedding Gift (Without Guessing)

Written by The Gift Tool Editorial Team. We test our tools, read the research, and update this piece when our thinking changes. The Gift Tool is an Amazon Associate; we earn a small commission on qualifying purchases, but our picks are never pay-to-play.

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Wedding gifts are the only category where people routinely spend more than they can afford because of a rule that was made up by nobody in particular.

That rule is "cover your plate" — the idea that your gift should at least equal what the couple spent feeding you. It's repeated endlessly and it's poor advice, for a simple reason: it makes your gift a function of their catering decisions. A couple who chose a three-course sit-down in a city venue would, under this logic, be owed more than a couple who chose a backyard and a spit roast. That's obviously backwards. The more the couple spends on their own party, the more they're owed by their guests?

Here's what to do instead.

The actual numbers

Figures in AUD; they translate closely to USD and can be scaled down roughly 40% for GBP.

Your relationship	Typical gift
Colleague, or a friend you see rarely	$80–$120
Good friend	$120–$200
Close friend or cousin	$150–$250
Sibling, or a friend in your inner circle	$200–$400
Parent of the couple	Varies enormously — often a contribution to the wedding itself

Attending as a couple? Add roughly 50–75%, not 100%. Two people don't cost twice the goodwill.

If you're in the wedding party, the expectation drops, not rises. You've already spent on outfits, travel, a hen's or buck's night, and time. A bridesmaid giving $100 is entirely normal, and any couple who thinks otherwise has lost the plot.

The four things that should move your number

1. What you've already spent to be there. Flights, three nights of accommodation, a rented suit and time off work is a gift in itself. Getting to a wedding at real cost and giving $80 is completely reasonable. See the destination section below.

2. Whether you're at the ceremony only. Ceremony-and-drinks invitations sit around 50–60% of a full-invitation gift.

3. Your actual financial position. This is the one people ignore and shouldn't. There is no version of a good marriage that begins with a guest going into debt for the toaster.

4. What the couple actually need. A couple who have lived together for eight years need household items far less than a couple setting up a first home. The second couple will genuinely use a $120 registry item; the first would rather have $120 towards a honeymoon or nothing at all.

The registry exists because guessing is worse. Photo via Unsplash.

Cash, registry, or something you chose?

Cash or a wishing well

Cash is now the default in Australia and increasingly elsewhere, and it's a genuinely good gift for most couples. Research on gift-giving consistently shows that recipients prefer what they've asked for, and a wishing well is an explicit ask.

If you give cash:

• Put it in a card with a written note. Cash without a note is a transaction. Cash with three sentences about the two of them is a gift.
• Round to a clean number. $150, not $147.
• Say what it's for, if you want to. "Towards the Japan trip" turns money into an experience they'll associate with you.

Registry items

If there's a registry, use it. This is not the moment for creative independence. The couple made a list precisely so that guests wouldn't guess, and going off-list is the leading cause of returned wedding gifts.

Two useful tactics:

• Buy from the middle of the list, early. The cheapest items go first and the expensive ones linger, so early buyers get better value per dollar of goodwill.
• Group-buy the big item. Four guests at $80 each gets the couple a $320 thing they actually wanted, and each of you spent a normal amount.

Something you chose yourself

Only do this if you know the couple well and have a genuinely specific idea. The bar is high because the failure mode is expensive and permanent — a large object in someone's home that they feel obliged to keep.

When it works, it works better than anything else: a commissioned piece by an artist they love, a first edition of a book that matters to them, a framed print of somewhere significant to the two of them. Specificity is doing all the work. Our five-factor framework is a good sanity check before you commit.

Destination weddings

The honest position: attending is the gift.

If you've spent $2,500 on flights and accommodation to be at a wedding in Bali or Italy, a $100 gift is generous, a $50 gift is fine, and a heartfelt card is defensible. Most couples who plan destination weddings understand this. The ones who don't are being unreasonable, and you shouldn't set your finances by their expectations.

If you can't attend a destination wedding, the usual convention is to send a gift in the $80–$150 range — the same as if you'd been to a local wedding as a guest of similar closeness.

Weddings you're not attending

• Invited but declining: send something. $60–$120 depending on closeness, or a card and a thoughtful item if money is tight.
• Not invited but close-ish: a card, or a small gift if you'd like to. No obligation exists.
• Announcement only, no invitation: a card. That's the entire expectation.

Second weddings, elopements and vow renewals

Expectations are lower and the couple usually says so explicitly. $50–$100 is generous for a second wedding where both parties have established homes. For elopements and vow renewals, a bottle of something good and a card is completely standard.

The wedding-season problem

Three weddings in one year at $200 each, plus outfits, travel and hen's nights, is a five-figure summer for some people. If that's your year, do this in advance:

1. Set a total wedding budget for the year, not per wedding.
2. Divide it by closeness, giving the most to the two or three couples who matter most.
3. Tell nobody. There's no need to announce a budget; it's your money and your business.
4. Go early on registries for the weddings you're giving less to, so your smaller amount buys something better.

The same logic we use for annual gift budgets in How Much to Spend on a Gift applies here — set the annual number first, then allocate.

What to write in the card

This matters more than the amount, and almost nobody prepares it.

Avoid: "Congratulations on your special day! Wishing you a lifetime of happiness." It's fine, and it's forgettable.

Better: one specific memory or observation, then the good wish. "I still think about the night you two argued for forty minutes about whether a hot dog is a sandwich. You've been good for each other since the day you met. Have the best day — and the best forty years after it."

The card is the part they keep. Give it three minutes.

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FAQ

Is $100 an acceptable wedding gift? Yes. For a colleague, a friend you see occasionally, or anyone whose wedding you travelled to at real cost, $100 is a perfectly normal and appropriate amount.

Do you have to give a gift if you're not attending? If you were invited and declined, sending something is the graceful move — $60–$120, or a card if funds are tight. If you weren't invited, there's no obligation at all.

Is cash a rude wedding gift? No. In Australia and much of the world, cash or a wishing well contribution is now the most-requested wedding gift. Put it in a card with a genuine handwritten note and it reads as thoughtful, not lazy.

Should I follow the 'cover your plate' rule? No. It ties your gift to the couple's catering budget, which has nothing to do with your relationship or your finances. Use relationship closeness and your own circumstances instead.

How much should the wedding party give? Less than regular guests. You've already spent on outfits, travel and pre-wedding events. $100–$150 is entirely normal for a bridesmaid or groomsman.

When should I send a wedding gift? Registry items are best sent before the day so the couple aren't transporting them home. Cash is usually given on the day. Both are acceptable up to about three months after, though earlier is kinder.

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Keep reading: How Much to Spend on a Gift · Gift-Giving Etiquette: A Modern Guide · Matching Gifts to Occasions

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